Have you ever spoken to someone who told you NOT to read books and to listen to your intuition instead? One day I had a conversation with a psychotherapist who was in her fourthees. She was sitting next to me with her short brown hair and we spoke about parenting. She told me : “Well, to my pregnant clients who feel a bit anxious, I always say : Do not read any book about parenting or education.”
She just had finished her sentence, I took a deep breath trying to hide my trembling body. Can you imagine the expression on my face? Do you see how I felt about her words? I immediately saw the picture of closing book shops in front of my eyes, training rooms being empty. I had to think about all the learning material and advice that was so precious and rich to our world, too me, to me too. Just think about people like Thomas Gordon, Dorothy Ellen. Their contribution makes the world so much richer and helped so many people in parenting. I could easily put myself in the shoes of those people. Being writer and trainer myself. Hearing those words as a trainer and writer, is of course a bit delicate. I mean it’s not only my job but my passion to teach people tools that help them to improve their skills, but well it was not only the question about being a writer or trainer here. I wanted to know more.
“What do you mean?”
“I think my female clients should follow their intuition when raising their children.”
“Hum, I see.” She got me twice. It was apparently my DAY. I have been training people for more than 5 years in How to develop their intuition in the private as well in the professional context, helding workshops several times per year on the topic. Moreover as an empath, I had a rather strongly developped intuition. Intuition was a well-known friend. I tried to see the link she wanted to make.
“So if I understand you correctly, the advice you give to your clients is to naturally do what feels right to them”.
Wow, followed by a huge question mark. This was the word that pictured in my head, I actually did not say it.
However, when it comes to our parenting and eduction style, specially communication what naturally seems to be right is not always in the best interest of our child.
In any case, I ruminated for some days about our conversation. What I learned from this lady: What seems natural to you is not always your intuition. Her intention she had with her clients was good and listening to and following our intuition in life is important also when it comes to our children. We need to listen to our gut feelings in order to feel the babies needs, to protect our child from danger, to detect lies and problems.
However, when it comes to our parenting and eduction style, specially communication what naturally seems to be right is not always in the best interest of our child. Please read this again. Yes, what you consider natural is not always the best. Would you ever take the airplane with a pilote who has never learned to fly and who is only following his gut feeling for using the buttoms in the cockpit?
We can get it right, if our parents’ got it right, or we can also get it completely wrong even if it feels natural to us. Maybe you are wondering what I mean by right and wrong?
If we want to raise happy, healthy & succesful children – kids who will be able to master their adults lives, succeed in work and in their relationships – we need to teach them some basics skills. Certain parent behavior will help them to build confidence, trust, autonomy, interpersonal skills, decision-making skills, solution-finding skills.
Certain behavior will hinder our child to learn those important skills and harm our child’s healthy development, might even create personality disorders.
Why you should think twice before following your intuition when raising your child
Let’s just imagine that you have been raised by controlling or helicopter parents. If you have been raised by controlling parents there is the risk that you repeat what they did. Controlling or overprotective parents do not want to harm their children, but they hinder their children to acquire skills for mastering life successfully. Their behavior, the words they said harmed your self-esteem and your autonomy. As an adult, you might have intimicy issues, having troubles in expressing your emotions and needs or face any other difficulties. If you repeat what you naturally learned from your parents in term of parenting, possibilities are high that you will harm your child’s capacity to be happy, healthy and succesful life. The good news is : It is not too late. You can learn the skills to raise happy, healthy & successful children. It is important for you and your child that you reflect your parent’s and your own behavior if you want your child to be happy, healthy & succesful in life. And you can. There are simple and effective tools that are fun and that help you to teach your child skills to become happy, healthy & succesful in life. And it will make your life easier, too.
In my training “how to raise happy, healthy & succesful highly sensitive and creative children” you pick up powerful tools to adopt a parenting style that will build a solid foundation for your children to be happy, healthy & successful in life. You will get them delivered in a well-structured and in an easy memorable way. You learn how to better know yourself and your child, become yourself an even better person, transform harmful behaviour and reduce the risk of raising unhappy and unsuccessful children. Get more information and instant access here.
Julia Noyel is Expert in Self confidence for highly sensitive and creative people with more than 14 years experience in consulting & training. She founded Art of a different, happy & healthy life and as a certified coach and psychological advisor by the European university of applied science of Hamburg, she offers training and counselling to all highly sensitive and creative people and to those who live or work with highly sensitive and creative people in order to allow a happy life, successful, healthy life despite of the difference. She is author of the practical guide ‘black sheep live better: how to realise your dream life step-by-step’ with instant tips for a different, happy, healthy and successful life and writer of two philosophical and psychological novels. Before starting her own company, Julia worked as Management & HR Consultant and gained confirmed experience in management, leadership, international HR management, HR development & HR marketing (Employer branding) within various industries such as retail, luxury, IT, service, pharmaceuticals, automotive and power. Connect with Julia online: