Have you ever asked yourself the question: How to raise your child correctly? While teaching and researching over years in the field of parenting I see many of the same risky mistakes being made by parents who want the best for their children. They put all their effort and are then disappointed that their children struggle in life once grown up adults. In this article you will pick up some advice in order to avoid some common mistakes.
If you are parents and if you have ever wondered if you make everything right when raising your children or how you could make it better to help them to become happy, healthy & successful adults, it is time to dig a little bit deeper into this question. Because there are indeed techniques that foster happiness, health and others that foster unhappiness, failure and even the development of personnality disorder. Check to make sure you are not making any of the following mistakes when raising your children that might hinder your children to be happy, healthy and successful later in life.
Mistake n°1 – They are unclear about their parent’s role
Many parents neither know the requirements for their role as parents, nor are they aware of what their real job as a parent is.
Well yes, we decide to have children out of love, you might say. But when the child is in our life, love is great but not enough to help your child to become happy, healthy & successful later in life. You have an important role to play for your child. Your child needs your help to get prepared for life. So what kind of life are you wishing for your child? Have you ever thought about your role as a parent? What is your aim? Being a parent is a huge responsibility. You are responsible for your child’s development of personality. Whenever you know what your role as a parent is, you have the opportunity to learn specific competencies you need to help your children to go through life healthily, happily and successfully.
Mistake n°2 – They have no idea what skills their children need in order to become self-confident, happy, healthy & successful individuals
Did you know that your child needs to be taught certain skills in order to become self-confident, happy, healthy & successful in life. And as we know, those skills are not always taught at school. The good news are: You can teach those skills to your child to help your child to become self-confident, happy, healthy & successful in life.
Once you know what skills I am talking about you can focus on teaching those skills to your child on a day to day basis through your behavior and parenting style.
Mistake n°3 – They lack the competences in parenting
They lack knowledge and competences in parenting. And you know what? This is absolutely normal! Yes, it is! Just think about how many years we invest in our education and studies until we are considered as an expert in our field and how much time we need to invest to build a career? We study for years: go to school, do an apprenticeship or go to university. Only for our role as parents we are not trained and do not even think about studying it. The good news is: you can easily learn the skills!
Mistake n°4 – They repeat the harmful behavior transmitted to them by their parents
It is probably the goal of all parents to raise children who are happy, healthy and successful in life. But how to make sure to reach the goal? And why do so many parents struggle in this project? Many parents just repeat what their parents did. However, scientific studies prove that some behaviors are harmful to our children. So if your parents got it right, you have good chances to do it right, too. The thing is : if your parents got it wrong, chances are huge that you repeat the same mistakes. So why not checking if you use harmful behaviors with your children? Once you know it, you can avoid the harmful behavior.
Mistake n°5 – They use a bad and harmful communication style without knowing it that harms their child’s self-confidence and self-esteem
We do all our best. Most parents communicate ‘intuitively’ with their children by repeating the same sentences and words they heart from their parents over and over again. They have been programmed! What is the problem here? Well, they do not consider that too often they also take over the harmful words, communication style, ton from their parents when they communicate with their children that harms self-confidenc and self-esteem. Of course, changing your communication style will not happen in a single day, but by making a constant effort, you not only help your children to be more self-confident and successful, but you will also become a better communicator with your spouse, your colleagues and with yourself! By learning communication blockers you can avoid them and reduce power struggles, tantrums and much more. That’s great! Isn’t it?
Mistake n°6 – They are not aware about the long term consequences of their behavior
They are unaware of how much things are going to get worse or what negative consequences their behavior will have on their children.
Bad parenting style as punishment, emotional unavailability, controlling or result oriented parenting style is the main reason children develop neurosis and personality disorder. Also small things you do or say to your child can hurt your child permanently and create troubles for their future life. The key to shift from harmful to a more positive parenting style: know what makes the difference. Sometimes it’s about small changes, but those small changes make a huge difference. Start with avoiding the 6 errors. If you want to learn more competences, click here.
So what is about you?
Are you clear about your parent’s role, the skills your child needs, the competences you need in order to raise happy, healthy & successful children? What is your parenting and communication style? Are you aware of the consequences on your child’s development and future?
In my book ‘The SUBSTANCE-Formula: How to master the art of raising happy, healthy & successful children’ you will pick up tools that will make sure that you avoid the above mistakes. If you are very serious about wanting your children being happy, healthy and successful in life, feel free to check out my practical parenting guide ‘how to raise happy, healthy & successful children’. You will walk away with easy and effective tools that will make your life as a parent much easier.
© Julia Noyel 2019, photo: Fotolia © buritora, all rights reserved.