Have you ever wondered if listening to your intuition is all you need when it comes to raising your children or what it needs to raise happy, healthy & successful children? Well, you are not alone! One day I had a conversation with a psychotherapist who was in her forties. She was sitting next to me with her colorful dress, and we spoke about parenting. I love colorful dresses, too. I was in a great mood. She said: “I believe parents or future parents who feel a bit anxious, should not read any books about parenting or education.”
What? She just had finished her sentence, I gulped, took a deep breath trying to hide my trembling body. My heart dropped. I just had decided to write a book about mastering the art of raising happy, healthy & successful children. I immediately saw the picture of my book in the bookshop nobody wanted to buy, but not only that. I saw closing bookshops in front of my eyes, train- ing rooms being empty. Was advice on parenting useless? That was just not possible. I had to think about people like Thomas Gordon, Dorothy Ellen. Their books helped millions of parents. Their contribution made the world so much richer and helped so many people to become a better parent, me too by the way. I had considered myself anxious about parenting for a long time. Not knowing which behavior was harmful and which one not, would not have made me feel better. The contrary was the case. Not knowing would have increased my anxiety. Coming from the corporate word I knew that many companies paid much attention to preventing risks, so I was wondering why parents did not? Strange as there was a reason for it: We talk about risk prevention at the workplace to make people feel safe. So when it comes to parenting, I should swim in the ocean after the ship- wreck in whatever direction just hoping to land safely? I felt con- fused. What was about my book project? Made it no sense and couldn’t we prepare for being a parent? Was there no technique, no strategy? I tried to calm down. Maybe I had not understood her correctly. So I asked her one more time:
“What do you mean?”
“I think parents should follow their intuition when raising their children.”
“Well.” She got me twice. It was apparently MY DAY. I have been training people for more than five years in “How to de- velop their intuition in the private as well in the professional context,” holding workshops several times per year on the topic. Moreover, as an empath, I had a somewhat strongly developed intuition. I would even say: Intuition was a well-known friend. My brain was working hard like a turbo hamster on his wheel trying to see the link she wanted to make.
“So if I understand you correctly, you believe we should naturally do what feels right to us when it comes to parenting”?
When it comes to our parenting and eduction style, specially communication what naturally seems to be right is not always in the best interest of our child.
Her reply left a huge question mark in my head. I ruminated for some days about our conversation. Was listening to our intu- ition enough when it comes to raising children? This conversation left me full of doubts for the next days, so during the weekend, I decided to call a friend who had two children. I told her about my book project, and she said: “I believe when it comes to raising children there is no right or wrong way. Each child is dif- ferent. You need to do it as you feel it. And by the way, how can you think about giving advice about parenting, you even have no own children.” Wow, that was hard to take. I felt beaten, even more down when I hung up the phone. Apparently, I was going through a hard time, as during the afternoon when I wanted to take my car a red warning light came on. I desperately called a friend of mine who came to have a look at my car. I said: “Andy, please do not tell me that I should have used my intuition for avoiding my car to break.” He looked at me a bit confused and said: “Of course not, but you should have put motor oil in the engine. You know, Julia, it is the same for all cars. Every car needs oil, water, and maintenance to function well.” I looked at him, gave him a kiss, and I said: ”Thank you, Andy, thank you so much for your help.” He looked at me confused: “But I did nothing.” “Oh yes, yes, you helped me so much.”
What I learned from Andy: You might drive a sports car, a family car, a red one or a blue one. Every car needs the same to function well. I need to know what a car needs to function well. I cannot just rely on my intuition. If I do not take care of it, it will break. I might prefer orange juice to oil, both are liquid, but if I use or- ange juice for my car’s engine, well I don’t know what will happen. When I use oil for the engine, I do not transform my driving style, but I help my car to function well because it is proven that engine oil is the appropriate liquid for my car. I might not have the same car as my neighbor has; however, I will use engine oil as my neighbor does. It is exactly the same for your children. What seems natural to you will not always bring happiness, health & success to your children’s life. Some methods are proven to be appropriate if you want to help your child to set a foundation for a happy, healthy & successful life.
Listening to and following our intuition in life is important also when it comes to our children. We need to listen to our gut feelings to feel the baby’s needs, to protect our child from dan- ger, to detect lies and problems. However, when it comes to our parenting and education style, especially communication what naturally seems to be right is not always in the best interest of our child. What we consider natural is not always the best. Would you ever take the airplane with a pilot who has never really learned to fly and who is only following his gut feeling for using the bottoms in the cockpit? Let’s imagine that he learned to fly solely by observing his father who was a pilot, too. Ok, you might think, why not. But now I tell you: the father actually crashed one day. Would you still take the airplane with the pilot? I would not.
Why you should think twice before following your intuition when raising your child
Let’s just imagine that you have been raised by controlling or helicopter parents. If you have been raised by controlling parents there is the risk that you repeat what they did. Controlling or overprotective parents do not want to harm their children, but they hinder their children to acquire skills for mastering life successfully. Their behavior, the words they said harmed your self-esteem and your autonomy. As an adult, you might have intimicy issues, having troubles in expressing your emotions and needs or face any other difficulties. If you repeat what you naturally learned from your parents in term of parenting, possibilities are high that you will harm your child’s capacity to be happy, healthy and succesful life. The good news is : It is not too late. You can learn the skills to raise happy, healthy & successful children. It is important for you and your child that you reflect your parent’s and your own behavior if you want your child to be happy, healthy & succesful in life. And you can. There are simple and effective tools that are fun and that help you to teach your child skills to become happy, healthy & succesful in life. And it will make your life easier, too.
In my practical guide “How to master the art of raising happy, healthy & succesful children” you pick up powerful tools to adopt a parenting style that will build a solid foundation for your children to be happy, healthy & successful in life. You will get them delivered in a well-structured and in an easy memorable way. You learn how to better know yourself and your child, become yourself an even better person, transform harmful behaviour and reduce the risk of raising unhappy and unsuccessful children. Get more information and instant access here.
© Julia Noyel 2019, photo: fotolia: © Elnur, all rights reserved.