Have you ever wondered how to get it right when it comes to raising your child if listening to your intuition is all you need when it comes to raising your children or what it needs to raise happy, healthy & successful children? Well, you are not alone! One day I had a conversation with a psychotherapist who was in her forties. She was sitting next to me in her colorful dress, and we spoke about parenting. I love colorful dresses, too. I was in a great mood. She said: “I believe parents or future parents who feel a bit anxious, should not read any books about parenting or education.”
What? She just had finished her sentence, I gulped, took a deep breath trying to hide my trembling body. My heart dropped. I just had decided to write a book about mastering the art of raising happy, healthy & successful children. I immediately saw the picture of my book in the bookshop nobody wanted to buy, but not only that. I saw closing bookshops in front of my eyes, training rooms being empty. Was advice on parenting useless? I felt confused. That was just not possible. I had to think about people like Thomas Gordon, Dorothy Ellen. Their books helped millions of parents. Their contribution made the world so much richer and helped so many people to become a better parent, me too by the way. I had considered myself anxious about parenting for a long time. Not knowing which behavior was harmful and which one not would not have made me feel better. The contrary was the case. Honestly, not knowing would have increased my anxiety. Was wondering why she had said this to me?
Coming from the corporate world I knew that many companies paid much attention to preventing risks, so I was wondering why I should not when it comes to children? When it comes to parenting, should I swim in the ocean after the shipwreck in whatever direction just hoping to land safely? I felt confused. What was about my book project? Made it no sense and couldn’t we prepare for being a parent? Was there no technique, no strategy? I tried to calm down. Maybe I had not understood her correctly.
So I asked her one more time:
“What do you mean?”
“I think parents should follow their intuition when raising their children.”
“Well.” She got me twice. It was apparently MY DAY. I have been training people for more than five years in “How to develop their intuition in the private as well in the professional context,” holding workshops several times per year on the topic. Moreover, as an empath, I had a somewhat strongly developed intuition. I would even say: Intuition was a well-known friend. My brain was working hard like a turbo hamster on his wheel, trying to see the link she wanted to make.
“So if I understand you correctly, you believe we should naturally do what feels right to us when it comes to parenting”?
Apparently, she was sure about what she said. Her reply left a huge question mark in my head. I ruminated for some days about our conversation. Was listening to our intuition enough when it comes to raising children? This conversation having left me full of doubts during the weekend, I decided to call a friend who had two children. I told her about my book project, and she said: “I believe when it comes to raising children, there is no right or wrong way. Each child is different. You need to do it as you feel it. And by the way, how can you think about giving advice about parenting, you even have no own children.”
Wow, that was hard to take. I felt beaten, even more down when I hung up the phone. Apparently, I was going through a hard time, as during the afternoon when I wanted to take my car a red warning light came on. I desperately called a friend of mine who came to have a look at my car. I said: “Andy, please do not tell me that I should have used my intuition for avoiding my car to break.” He looked at me a bit confused and said: “Of course not, but you should have put motor oil in the engine. You know, Julia, it is the same for all cars. Every car needs oil, water, and maintenance to function well.” I looked at him, gave him a kiss, and I said: ”Thank you, Andy, thank you so much for your help.” He looked at me, confused: “But I did nothing.” “Oh yes, yes, you helped me so much.”
When it comes to our parenting and eduction style, specially communication what naturally seems to be right is not always in the best interest of our child.
Andy just had helped me to figure it out: You might drive a sports car, a family car, a red one or a blue one. Every car needs the same to function well. I need to know what a car requires to function well. If I do not take care of it, it will break. I might prefer orange juice to oil, both are liquid, but if I use orange juice for my car’s engine, well I don’t know what will happen. When I use oil for the engine, I do not transform my driving style, but I help my car to function well because it is proven that engine oil is the appropriate liquid for my car. I might not have the same car as my neighbor has; however, I will use engine oil as my neighbor does. And that is precisely the same for our children. What seems natural to us is not always our intuition and not always brings happiness, health & success to your children’s life. Some methods are proven to be appropriate if you want to help your child to set a foundation for a happy, healthy & successful life.
I believe listening to and following our intuition in life is important also when it comes to our children. We need to listen to our gut feelings to feel the baby’s needs, to protect our child from danger, to detect lies and problems. However, when it comes to our parenting and education style, we need skills! Especially in communication. What naturally seems to be right is not always in the best interest of our child.
Would you ever take the airplane with a pilot who has never really learned to fly and who is only following his gut feeling for using the bottoms in the cockpit? Let’s imagine that he learned to fly solely by observing his father, who was a pilot, too. Ok, you might think, why not. But now I tell you: the father actually crashed one day. Would you still take the airplane with the pilot? I would not.
In my practical guide “How to master the art of raising happy, healthy & successful children” I teach you my children’s education strategy, my SUBSTANCE-Formula, a 9 step process to help your children to create a solid foundation for a happy, healthy & successful life. You will get my tools delivered in a well-structured and easy, memorable way, learn how to better know yourself and your child, become yourself an even better person, transform harmful behavior, and reduce the risk of raising unhappy and unsuccessful children. Get more information and instant access here.
© Julia Noyel 2019, photo: fotolia: © Elnur, all rights reserved.